It's Not an Indulgence!

I was so glad at the beginning of the month when my gym announced that personal training sessions would be discounted! I know that it's kind of an indulgence and when you're unemployed, you give up those indulgences for more basic things like food and rent. But, I had saved my Reno winnings and the money I made on my garage sale last month and decided that working out keeps me healthy so training with Denise again isn't an indulgence. It's a necessity.

Of course, when I made my appointment with her for today, she looked me in the eye and pronounced "Oh good. I'm going to kick your ass." Lucky me. But that's why I love her and realize how much I miss working out with her one-on-one.

So I made it through the dreaded wall sit, through triceps and biceps, cardio and dead lifts. I even survived what seemed like 1000 crunches. And the best part: I enjoyed it all!!

Sick, isn't it?

Until Next Time,

Kel

Sleepless Nights...

I always complain when Aero has his little bouts of insomnia. Seriously! A dog having trouble sleeping? What's up with that?

Right now, I'm guessing that in his own little doggy way he's complaining about me. It's a little after 3:00 a.m. and I'm still wide awake, which means I'm disturbing his highness.

After the layoff, I was having many sleepless nights. I was told that that's pretty normal in the cycle of emotions that follow a layoff. But it seemed like they happening less and less. But suddenly, it's happening again and I can't figure out what's triggering it.

I've done the usual no caffiene after 4:00 pm, no tv on in the bedroom, nothing exciting in the evening routine (not that there's ever anything exciting in my life anyway!). And tonight I even had 2 glasses of wine with dinner at my friend Marie's house - that should have put me to sleep by 7! But, here I sit in the dark, with only the glow from the computer screen illuminating the room. And yes, I did go to bed around 11:30, but I just laid there tossing and turning until I got so aggravated that I got up. And took the snoozing pup with me into the living room.

The more I'm awake, the more annoyed I get and the longer I'm up. I don't know what to do any more. I guess it's a good thing I'm not working 'cause I'm gonna be very cranky tomorrow...

Sigh.

Until Next Time,

Kel

Happy and Jealous...

Today I've got mixed emotions - happiness and jealousy.

I'm happy because I know my friends Linda and Tim are on their way to the happiest place on Earth. Yep, they took off this morning at 8:00 EST for Disneyworld!!! I think one of the reasons we're such good friends is our mutual love of the Mouse. They go to the World every year - some years, they make it down there more than once! They're adding an indoor skydiving simulation to their itinerary for some non-Disney fun on this trip. I can't wait to hear about that!

And the jealousy? Yep, you guessed it. I'm jealous that Linda and Tim are on their way to the World. I WANT TO GO!!!!!! Danged economy. Aunt Loretta and I planned 2 different trips earlier this year, and I cancelled both times because I was nervous about my job. Hmmm. Too bad that premonition came true...

But, I'm more happy than jealous. I love hearing the stories about their adventures and seeing pictures of them having fun. It's almost like I'm there.

So, all I have to say is: HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME AT THE WORLD, LINDA AND TIM! And give Mickey a hug for me!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 111: Finally - Some Hope!!

Don't fall off your chair, but while I was at the gym this afternoon (shocking, isn't it?!), gathering my things in the locker room after my workout, my phone rang. It was a number that I didn't recognize, but since I've listed my cell as my primary contact number on my resume and on the applications I've filled out, I've been answering all calls.

It was a recruiter who had seen my resume on monster.com and was interested in talking to me. I felt kinda weird talking to someone about my career from the locker room of the gym, but hey, it's not the kind of call you want to miss!

We chatted for about 15 minutes about my previous job, the software I know, my experiences, how I'd feel about working in San Francisco again and the usual job stuff. As it turns out, he has a listing with a law firm looking for a "Service Desk Analyst" with heavy software and network support skills. When he read the description to me, I did a little dance because it sounded pretty much like my resume.

So tonight, I forwarded him a copy of my resume in Word format; we have a pre-screening call set for tomorrow morning at 9:00; I have an appointment to meet him in his office Friday morning at 9:00. If all that goes well, he'll set me up with an interview at the law firm next Wednesday morning.

While I'm thrilled and excited, I'm also sitting here in total panic mode. It's the day I've kinda been dreading since May: having to interview. Holy moley!!!! My last interview was in 2000! And of course, there's the whole what to wear/will my hair look okay/will they look past my body to see that my skills are why they'd want to hire me?

I think I'm going shopping after the conference call tomorrow.

Until Next Time,

Kel

Milestones at the Gym

I've been going back to the gym for the last 2 weeks. It's a big move toward taking control of my life once again!

Of course, my workouts weren't all they could be nor were they as intense as they should be. But, September is upon us, and there's no better time to 'start over' than the beginning of a new month.

Last night (okay, it was still August, but I'm counting it!) I was able to walk on the dreadmill for 30 minutes without any pain in the knee! Woo-hoo!! My speed isn't back up to where it was before the injury, but that's okay with me. I'm happy to be doing some endurance for a change!

And then tonight, I attended my first class since the beginning of June! I started a strength training class with a trainer that I've never worked with (Donna), but have seen her classes from the sidelines. It was tough, mostly upper body work, but manageable. And my knee didn't hurt!!!!

Hmmm, maybe my self-imposed gym exile over the last few months was a good thing and the knee has been healing....

Next up: returning to Yo'lates Saturday morning. I'm sweating just thinking about it!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Friday Fill-ins

And...here we go!

1. He was a sweet little dog.

2. Candy Corn is what I look forward to most this time of year.

3. My best friend Joyce is celebrating her birthday on Sunday.

4. I'm going crazy without a job to be honest with you.

5. Appearances can be very deceiving - just look at me.

6. The last person I gave a hug to was my friend and partner-in-crime, Angela.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to it cooling off, tomorrow my plans include a trip to the gym and Sunday, I want to treat Joyce to brunch for her birthday!

Until Next Time,

Kel

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

48 years ago today, a young United States Marine married his beautiful sweetheart in a church in Marrero, Louisiana.

Her dress was antebellum style; he wore his dress blues. When they exited the church, they walked beneath the crossed swords of Marines.

I wasn't there, but I've seen the pictures all my life.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad. May your lives together continue to be happy and fruitful for many years to come!!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Friday Fill-Ins

And...here we go!

1. I remember, I remember the scent of Violets candies in Granny's purse.

2. Dear Christian and Nicholas I want you to know how proud I am of both of you.

3. Is that my butt!!???

4. I'm trying to resist the temptation of going to one of the cupcake bakeries.

5. I'm saving a hug just for you!

6. If I made a birthday list an eligible man to marry would definitely be on it!!!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to relaxing after my workout, tomorrow my plans include going to the Farmer's Market and Sunday, I want to visit my friend Marie!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 97: Has it Really Been that Long?

When I was working, like most people, there were days when I hated my job. I would moan that I wish I didn't have to work and would joke about winning the lottery and living a leisurely life.


Yeah. That was then.


The reality is that I don't like staying home. I thought I would. But, after 97 days in exile from the working world, I realize that I really really really hate staying home all.the.time!


Oh, yeah, I could be cleaning my house. Or I could be scrapping or altering some treasures. Or reading a book. Or getting caught up on my Netflix queue. But where's the fun in that? And let me tell you, it's all way easy to ignore while I spend hours online reading job descriptions and watching reruns of Desperate Housewives and Will & Grace each day.

I have been searching for a job all this time. I'm now listed with two agencies who both specialize in IT positions in law firms. Maybe something will come from that. But I'm most excited about my new venture to get me out of the house: I'm volunteering at the gym!

Yes, the lovely ladies that own the gym I belong to have a 'volunteer' program where you work there a couple of hours at a time and get gym credit in return. I like that 'cause I use a lot of the services at the gym (like waxing!) and my time here can now be used in exchange for those services. Beside that, it makes me come to the gym and I have to work out while I'm here, right? And, it's helping me to sharpen my people skills: I can't be Connie Complainer when I'm sitting here greeting people!

So, even thoough this 'exile' seems to be never ending, right now, I'm in a good place!!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Judging Others.....

I try not to judge people. Really. I don't like when people judge me by just looking at me or my actions. But sometimes, you just can't help yourself, especially when the person is so obnoxious that you just can't look away and not judge them.

Let me start with this: I love Chinese food (or just about any food - looking at me, you'd know that's a given) and there's one little restaurant near my house that I go to for take out. They serve from a steam table and have a selection of about a dozen entrees, some appetizers, chicken salad and wonton soup. You pick the size of each item - the scoop is about 8 ounces, then there's the pint, the quart and the gallon containers. When I order, I get scoops of several items and on a good day, can make that last for 2 meals, especially if I order a pork bun or some pot stickers.

So, last night I decided it was time for Chinese for dinner. I got in line (there's always a line) and turned and smiled politely to the guy who got in line behind me when he arrived. I didn't think too much of it. But, as I was going down the steam table picking my food, the guy behind me (let's call him Fred, just 'cause it's easier than saying 'the guy behind me' over and over) started picking out his items. He didn't just talk to the woman behind the counter dishing out the food -- Fred announced his choices and the reasons he was ordering that dish in the loudest voice he could muster; and with each announcement, he looked around at the people in line as if he were defending himself and his choices. "Give me a pint of white rice, because it's better for you than fried rice." "Okay, I'll take a quart of tofu and green beans because my doctor told me to give up red meat." "Give me a quart of sweet and sour pork, 'cause that's not red meat." "A quart of chicken salad because I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday."

Now, Fred wasn't a small man by any stretch (and as you know, I'm not Twiggy) but I couldn't help but comment to myself with each item he ordered: Dude, if you were told to give up red meat and you've got a doctor's appointment in two days, should you really be eating Chinese food today?????????????? Or at all? And when did you give up red meat? Eating tofu 2 days before your appointment isn't really going to help you out if you were told to give up the beef say, 3 months ago. Okay, I'll give you the white rice v. fried rice argument. But guess what? Everybody in that line already knew that!!! Fred, I hope you're buying all that food for your family of seven and you're not going home to sit in front of the TV and consume it all yourself....

I've been thinking about the scenario for about 24 hours now and the more I thought about it, the more I feel bad for judging Fred. I'm sure people in that line were judging me for buying Chinese food for dinner and were probably all wondering why I wasn't eating salad for dinner instead. Like I said, I try not to judge because I truly believe what I put in my body is none of your beeswax, just like what you put in yours is none of mine. And I probably wouldn't have given Fred a second look or thought if he had just ordered his food using his inside voice; it just seemed he wanted everyone to be aware of what he was doing and why he was doing it.

Now that I sit here and write this out, I'm just feeling sorry for Fred. Obviously he has some body issues and feels the need to justify what he's doing/buying/eating when there's a crowd. I understand what that's like - been there, done that.

The difference between me and Fred? I've finally made peace with this body of mine and I don't really care what other people, especially strangers, think or how they're judging me.

I hope that soon Fred will find some peace with his body.

Until Next Time,

Kel

You Know It's Time to Get Back to the Gym When...

Okay, I admit it. It's been 8 weeks and 2 days since I last stepped foot into the gym. How crazy is that? I mean, we're talking going from spending almost an hour a day, six days a week there to nothing. Nada. Zippo.

And for the last two weeks, my body has been giving me some not-so-subtle hints about being a giant slug. I've tried ignoring it, but with my body being the size that it is, it's kinda hard to ignore.

It hasn't been just my body that made me realize that I need to get back to a regular exercise routine. Oh, no. There was the point last week when a friend pointed out to me that the last time she saw me (pre-unemployment), I seemed happy, had lots of energy and was looking healthy. The day we were together - not so much. She said I looked like the miserable, out of shape person I was a year ago when I started my exercise journey...

I haven't spoken to her in a week. It's not easy to hear the truth from your friends.

That same day, I came home to find a message from one of the owners of the gym I belong to. They've noticed that I haven't been in for a while and just wanted to check on me to make sure everything's okay and is there anything they can do for me and please give them a call or come into the gym for a workout soon because I was working out regularly for so long....

Took me a couple of days to stop the bleeding from that one, too.

But they were both right. I had more energy when I worked out. I was a much more pleasant person when I exercised regularly. I handled adversity much better and released stress by spending that "me" time at the gym. I just needed to get over myself and leave the pity party and jump up onto that danged dreadmill and do it!!!!

So, this morning, I hauled my sorry carcass out of bed and put on my workout clothes and shoes and got into the car before I had time to wipe the sleep out of my eyes. Aero thought I was nuts (and he's probably right). I was on a mission: get to the gym and get on the treadmill. Period. No excuses. Ignore the panic attack. Just do it.

And I did. I managed 30 minutes on the treadmill - not bad for not exercising in such a long time. Of course, the knee still isnt' right and that slowed me down a bit, but I did it. And Stephanie, the owner of the gym who called me, was there cheering me on as I took those first few steps back into my life.

That's it. The pity party is officially over. That treadmill and me are going to become really good friends. And Mr. Elliptical? Yeah, your turn will come Monday.

I need an ice pack. And the phone. I need to call my friend and thank her for being so brutally honest with me.

Until Next Time,

Kel

Friday Fill-Ins

Well, I forgot last Friday...

And...here we go!

1. When will I get a job (or even an interiew!)?

2. "Saving Grace" was the last good book I read or movie I saw or tv show I watched.

3. Everything has its beauty but a cute dog wagging his tail at you is the best.

4. Popcorn and frozen yogurt is what I had for dinner.

5. I'd like your husband to come over and help me hang some shelves.

6. Marrero with my family is where I want to be right now.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to finishing some cards I started, tomorrow my plans include going to the farmer's market and Sunday, I want to go to a movie!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Congratulations Christian!!!

Well, the day has finally arrived. One that I'm sure my dear sister Jamie and her husband Clif have both been looking forward to and anticipating with some amount of dread.


My 16-year-old godson Christian got his learner's permit today!


He's now taking that first big step toward his adult life and let me tell you, I'm proud of him, even though I'm just a little sad. We all grow up, and he's doing it so well. But I still think of him as that cute little red-headed boy that could steal my heart with his smile. Come to think of it, he's still that little boy to me, only a lot taller and with a deep voice.


It's really a big week for him - first his permit, and tomorrow, the first day of his junior year of high school. Ooof. That's hard to take all in one week. I think I'll wait until tomorrow to feel.


So, Christian, my favoite red-headed boy, good luck in your two big ventures for this year. And remember - no cell phone or texting while you're driving -- even if it's me!!!!!!!


Until Next Time,


Kel

Happy Birthday Mom!!

She's smart.

She's got style.

She taught me everything I know - and then some.

She's my Mom, and today's her birthday!!!!

Happy Birthday, Mom - I hope you have a wonderful day today and live to see many, many more birthdays in the future!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Friday Fill-ins

And...here we go!

1. It's time for me to call my Daddy.
2. The couch; it's not a bad place for a dog nap.
3. I must be crazy for having a garage sale tomorrow.
4. My Daddy is the best thing I have ever known. **I'm on the phone with him as I'm filling these out and he's helping!!
5. My life is simply messy right now.
6. The last time I laughed really loudly was this afternoon while preparing for the garage sale tomorrow.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to resting, tomorrow my plans include the big garage sale (did I mention I'm having a garage sale tomorrow?) and Sunday, I want to get my car washed!

Until Next Time,

Kel

The Octagonal Red Street Sign

Since I'm not driving as much as I used to, I guess I'm getting less tolerant of stupid people that have a driver's license. And I seem to run across them every time I'm out and about.

Today, it was the group of drivers who apparently didn't learn what this sign means when they attended gangsta driving school.

Yeah, buddy, you're all bad in your souped up Dodge Ram with spinners and music so loud they can hear it in LA. You probably know every word to that Lil' Wayne rap, but can you READ? Do you know what S - T - O - P spells? Do you know the definition of the word?

Maybe you should go back to kindergarten and start all over again.

Oh, wait. I'll save you the time of going back to school (where you might even learn some manners) and I'll tell you what that sign means. Let's start with what it DOESN'T mean.

It doesn't mean: Stomp Toe On Pedal.

It doesn't mean: Spin Tires On Pavement.

It doesn't mean: Speed Through Other (car's) Path and give other driver the one-finger salute as you go by.

When you see this sign, it means you move your big ugly foot OFF the accelerator (the pedal on the right, in case "accelerator" is too big a word for you) and place it on the brake pedal - the one on the left. That will make your big ol' stupid truck slow down and actully quit moving for a couple of seconds while I, who have the right of way, pass through the intersection in front of you!

Maybe if we add some other words to the sign it'll help you follow the rules of driving. Ever play "Simon Says"?

Just stay out of my way on the road, ding dong.

Until next time,

Kel

How Much Technology Does It Take....

...For two women to make a lunch date?

I've been enjoying the company of my friend Angela and her cutie-patootie baby Max once a week as we tour the peninsula's eateries. Today was our lunch date.

It has taken us 3 days, 4 e-mails, 5 text messages and 2 phone calls to plan. And the 2 of us are not wishy-washy when it comes to picking a place to eat since eating IS a favorite hobby we share. One makes a suggestion, the other says "Great! I'll meet you there" and the rest is history. But for some reason, this week seemed to take a lot more effort to firm up our plan.

Should it really take 3 different technologies to plan a lunch date? Seriously!!! Are we all becoming so technology dependent that we've forgotten how to do something so simple very simply? Has communicating become difficult because it's so easy?

We're a step ahead for next week. We used an old-fashioned form of communication to pick our day to meet: we had a face-to-face conversation.

Shocking, isn't it?

Until Next Time,

Kel

Friday Fill-ins

And...here we go!

1. Not having a job is not the end of the world.

2. Sitting here, listening to the sound of rain falling, I doze off into a peaceful slumber.

3. Lunch with a friend tastes so good!

4. Sometimes, putting others first is all I can think of.

5. The Pacific Ocean is breathtaking, really.

6. Well, maybe there is a Santa Claus.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to working on some cards, tomorrow my plans include getting ready for my garage sale and Sunday, I want to go out for brunch!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Happy Birthday, Dad!!!

He's the #1 man in my life.

We talk nearly every day.

He's got a wicked sense of humor and can make me crack up without saying a word.

He's my Daddy. And, what Frenchie told Sandy in "Grease" is true: The only man a girl can rely on is her Daddy.

So, Happy Birthday Dad!!!! May you celebrate many, many, many more!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Big, Scary Tomatoes!

In New Orleans, summer always brought around one of my favorite foods: Creole Tomatoes. Very meaty, sweet and vibrantly red, they are a staple on the table because everybody grows them in back yard gardens.

When I moved to California, I quickly discovered that Creole Tomatoes don't exist here. I learned to eat run-of-the-mill vine-ripened and beefsteak tomatoes, but wasn't that impressed with the taste.

Then, about 5 years ago, my friend Angela and I signed up for a local organic farm's vegetable delivery service. We'd get to pick a combination of 5 organic fruits and vegetables a week and they'd be delivered right to our office, most times with the dirt still on them. They advertised heirloom tomatoes during the summer, which I had never heard of. Angela encouraged me to order some one week with the promise that if I didn't like them, she'd be happy to 'trade' me some veggies for them. So I did.

The day our veggie orders arrived, Angela came to my office to show me the beautifully (and oddly!) colored tomatoes in her bag. She had about 5 of them and she asked to see mine. I opened the paper bag and all I saw was one giant yellow and red variegated tomato! I took it out of the bag and exclaimed "That's one big, scary tomato!!!!" I thought Ang would fall on the floor she was laughing so hard.

It took me a couple of days to work up the courage to cut that monster, but I did eat it and enjoy it. From that day on, I anxiously await summer so I can buy me some big, scary tomatoes.

Tonight, I headed to the grocery store for one thing: heirlooms. They're on sale this week (only $2.49 a pound, which is a steal!) and I'm sure I'll make several trips back to buy some more over the next week.

So Angela, this one's for you my friend!

Oh, yeah, and thanks for making me buy that first BIG SCARY TOMATO!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Wow... I'm Pretty Impressive on Paper!

Today was my final call with Julie, my career coach. I'm going to do a little advertising here: if you find yourself wading through the waters of the modern job search and feel like you're drowning, get in touch with Julie and let her give you a life jacket. I feel so much better about the process and about myself professionally than I did back in May.

We finished the resume and I actually printed it tonight. I like the way it looks in hard copy: clean lines, concise formatting, strong wording. It's two pages of me and what I do best. I only hope that anyone reading it will feel the same.

And it got forwarded for the first time today. Remember the job I've been agonizing about all week? As it turns out, I know someone who works there and I contacted her on Monday to talk about the firm and see what her thoughts are on their IT department. She was honest and told me the good, the bad and the ugly so that I could make a decision about applying. She also offered to talk to the IT guy about me and mention that I was contemplating sending in my resume. Well, she called me yesterday afternoon and said the guy wanted to meet me - even before seeing my resume! Hot dog!

So, I guess I'm applying for the job. I forwarded my shiny new resume on to my friend today and am waiting to hear back about an interview. I'm looking at this as a positive step, no matter the outcome. It's good experience to go on the interview so I can prepare myself for future interviews. If I get a job, bonus! If I don't get the job, well, I won't be devastated because the whole experience is the first step to a new job. Right?

So, if you need some bedtime reading and are curious about the new resume (or you know someone that might be willing to hire me!), just drop me a line at kelskorner at sbcglobal dot net and I'll send it your way.

Sigh. Now the fun really starts!

Until Next Time,

Kel

To Apply or Not to Apply....

THAT, my friends, is the question that's been plaguing me for the last 48 hours.

As I was searching my usual job-search websites Friday afternoon, I ran across a job that I'm so qualified for. The description of the job is exactly what I've done for the last 20 years: help desk and training - in a law firm.

So, why didn't I immediately send in my resume and cover letter? Well, there's the rub: I can think of about a million reasons why I shouldn't apply and only one reason that I should. Don't mind me while I think 'out loud' here....

Reasons to not apply for the job:

• It's a law firm. I really want to break out of the law firm gig and work in an office that's not filled with lawyers. Not that I have anything against lawyers generally, I'm just tired of working with them.
• It's in San Francisco. I'd have to commute over an hour in each direction on public transit. I enjoy letting someone else do the driving, but over the last seven years, I've grown accustomed to a short commute (25 minutes at most) and having my car at my disposal each day. In SF, I can't afford to pay the $25+ a day to park my car. Ain't happening.
• It's in San Francisco, right across the street from my former law firm. Too much of a chance of running into the very people who made the decision to lay me off. That could be an ugly encounter.
• The hours. The ad posted that it's a 35 hour week (woo-hoo!), which is a definite bonus. The down side - it's a 7:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m. shift. 7:00 a.m.? Yikes! I am SO not a morning person and with the commute, I'd probably have to get up at like 4:30 in the morning and be out of the house by 5:45 in order to get there by 7:00 And I'm really cranky before 8 in the morning.

I could go on with this list, but these are the biggies for me.

Now, the one reason I should apply: IT'S THE THING I DO BEST. Help Desk and Training. I'm good in front of a group of people. I'm excellent at help desk calls and requests. I know law firms and how they operate. I'm good at this position.

So, help me out here - what do you think I should do? I can't wait too long - the job was posted last Tuesday and in this market, you snooze, you lose. I just can't decide if I want to snooze or not.

Until Next Time,

Kel

Friday Fill-Ins

I always see "Friday Fill-Ins" on some of my blogging buddies' sites and enjoy reading them. It's a great way to get to know more about your friends. So today, I thought I'd join in on the fun. My answers are in red.

And...here we go!

1. The last thing I ate was a ham sandwich on potato poppyseed bread from Specialty's bakery.

2. Fancy paper to print copies of my resume on is something I recently bought.

3. When it rains, it is a great time to take a nap!

4. The helpful clerk at Office Depot was the first person I talked to today (unless you count the dog!).

5. Hugs are something I don't get enough of.

6. Hearing my Dad's voice on the phone each day brings me extra comfort.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to another quiet evening, tomorrow my plans include getting back to my Yo'lates class, and Sunday, I want to go to a local art & wine festival!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 56: Getting to Know Me Better

Wow. I find it hard to believe that it's been 56 days - 8 weeks - since I was laid off. I can still hear the HR manager's words in my head just as clearly as if it happened yesterday. It must be one of those moments in my life that isn't going to be forgotten for a while.

As much as I try to keep busy in the time that I'm not working on my resume or searching for a job that fits my skill set, I still spend a lot of time alone with just Aero to keep me company - and he's not a great conversationalist. It's the quiet times that I dig deep and examine myself and who I am, trying to figure out what it is I'm supposed to be doing. Sometimes this self-analyzing leads me to dark places, and other times, to very positive, happy places.

Some of the things I've discovered about myself are:

• I look really good on paper. As my resume is nearly finalized, I realize that I have many strong, desirable skills that should open a lot of doors.
• I don't look so good in person. I find that people are generally fat-phobic and that will probably work against me in a face-to-face interview.
• I need a schedule. I don't get a lot done when I have too much time on my hands.
• I miss talking to people every day. Like I said, Aero's not much on conversation.
• Aero still dislikes my being home. I guess I shouldn't find a job that lets me telecommute.
• I break out in a cold sweat when I think of having to go shopping for an "interview suit." Julie told me I should buy one six weeks ago. I've been shopping once and thought I'd pass out in the store. That was a short trip.
• I'm still scared shitless about the whole unemployment/trying to find a new job thing.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I've got some great friends looking out for me and helping to keep me sane. But they've got their own lives and challenges and I can't keep complaining about the same things over and over to them. I must be driving them nuts by now because I'm driving myself nuts listening to me.

And now I'm rambling. That's another thing I've learned recently: I'm a rambler. Somebody just smack me on the side of the head and tell me to shut up and get a job.

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 49: Everything's Coming Up Roses...

Well, not really. But at some point it will. Right?


I'm lucky to live where I do, because just a short distance from here is the Pacific Coast. There's lots of nurseries in that area, and on my drive from my house to my friend Marie's, those nurseries have flower/plant shops that are open to the public.


Today, I was driving home from her house and as I passed one of the flower farm's shop, there was a huge sign out front: Dozen Roses $5. Almost like a mosquito drawn to a light, I hit the turn signal and made the right turn into the driveway and parked my car. I decided that I needed roses today and here was my opportunity. I mean why the heck not?


There were so many roses to choose from! Every color you can imagine. And the fragrance! When I walked into giant flower refrigerator, I felt as though I had stepped into some story-book meadow filled with rows and rows of beautiful, fragrant flowers of every sort. Except that it was freezing cold! I picked out two lovely bouquets of roses, exchanged pleasantries with the nice lady at the cash register, and was on my way with Ethel Merman's voice belting out that famous tune on the 20 minute ride.


The roses have brightened up my living room and dining room. And they've made me happy tonight. I don't ever get flowers either for myself or from someone else, so what the heck! For the next few days, instead of staring at the muted yellow walls of the house or the computer screen, I can stare at some gorgeous roses!


Until Next Time,


Kel

Day 46: Required Meetng at EDD

Sigh. I got a letter from EDD (unemployment) last week telling me I had to attend a mandatory meeting this morning at 8:15 at one of their offices and if I don't go, my benefits will be affected. Oh, yeah, and bring along 2 pieces of identification that prove my eligibility to work and fill out a form telling them about my job search efforts.

So, I dragged myself out of bed this morning only to discover that I had a screaming headache and queasy stomach. Hmmm. Maybe it's just the stress of this meeting causing it. Into the shower and into what felt like a normal routine - it's before 7:00 a.m. and I'm dressing in "work" clothes, doing my hair and putting on makeup. Strangely enough, it felt really good.

I found my way to the facility where this meeting was to be held, and was somewhat surprised at the people just hanging around in the parking lot, some of whom were in line at the front door, waiting to get in. My meeting was at 8:15, and I arrived at 7:55. I guessed that the doors opened at 8:00, but couldn't quite figure out why all these people were hanging around.

Well, the facility is called Peninsula Works, which is a job/employment/career assistance office. There's 4 of these offices in this area, and it works in conjunction with the EDD and local adult schools, shelters and training programs to help people of all ages and skills get back to work. That explained some of the clientele I observed in the parking lot.

What I also discovered upon entering the building was that this wasn't a meeting with someone from EDD - it was a 2-hour seminar with about 20 other people! Yes, we were corralled into a room where a very nice gentleman led us through the do's and don'ts of collecting unemployment, how to use the Peninsula Works offices to our benefit, and answering questions from the group. It was very informative, but long, especially since I wasn't feeling so hot.

But, I did my duty, got my check mark for attending and my new identification card that allows me to use the Peninsula Works facility. It's just one more hoop that I managed to jump through to keep those checks flowing to my mailbox every other week.

Oy. I need to get a job soon!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Reno Reno Reno!!!!

My friend Marie is one of the most generous people I know. And I love it when she invites me to go to Reno with her!

It's been over a year since she and I have been there together; she's been up there on a few occasions with other friends and family, and I've been up there twice in the last year for scrapbooking retreats. But, this past weekend, we had a girls trip - just the two of us!

I picked her up Saturday at 6:15 a.m. to start our 4-hour long road trip. Why so early? We can't wait to get there! And, we miss any traffic that may build up later in the morning/day. Of course, there were the usual "pit" stops: Starbuck's in Vallejo (about an hour from our start), Safeway in Dixon (gas is way cheap there and we got a 30 cent-per-gallon discount on the Safeway gas reward I earned) and then one last time at Donner Summit for a potty break. We managed to pull up and hand the car keys to the valet at 10:30 - not bad timing!


When we checked in, Marie's casino host upgraded us from a regular hotel room to a "spa suite" on one of the upper floors - a birthday gift to her (she celebrated on 6/18). Wow - what a great room!!!!! It was bigger than my whole house! Had a big ol' jacuzzi, a walk-in shower, HD TV, a couch/seating area and killer views of the valley. The only drawbacks we could find: 1 king sized bed for us to share, and the jacuzzi was in the middle of the room! We decided that we've known each other long enough that sleeping in the same bed wasn't a problem, and that we'd just make appointments with each other to use the jacuzzi.

I normally don't gamble much when I go, not because I don't like to, but because I need to control myself or I'll happily hand over my rent money to the Lucky Lemmings video slot. This trip, I was really really on a tight budget - those unemployment checks don't even come close to covering what I'd like to gamble. So, I cautiously budgeted my money so I could spend time in the casino throughout the weekend. And I brought 2 books, 2 videos, my computer and my workout clothes to go the gym to cover the time I wasn't in the casino.


Surprisingly, I met Lady Luck Saturday night after a yummy stroll through the buffet (can I just say that the Silver Legacy has one of the best buffets in Reno!). I was playing a triple poker machine for nickels, sitting next to Marie, when it dealt me 3 aces on the first hand. I held them all, and turned to Marie with my hands over my eyes saying "I just can't look 'cause I know it won't deal me another ace." I hit the deal button and much to my surprise, on the third hand, it dealt me the 4th ace AND the 3 wildcard - I actually hit a little jackpot! Woo-hoo - 100 smackeroos on a 75 cent bet! It was the biggest hand I had ever hit. Suddenly, I was on the winning side of the street. I squealed with delight as I cashed out that bad boy and told Marie "let's go play somewhere else!"


We moved to another part of the casino where Marie introduced me to another triple hand poker machine, but this one had a twist: it was called "Times X" poker, and would randomly deal a wild card in the first hand that would grant you a winning multiplier from 2 - 12 times your bet. So, if you got the 5X multiplier and hit 2 pair, instead of just 5 (nickels, dimes or quarters), you'd get 25 on each line that you win. Well, after playing on my $20 for a short time, I was down to about $1.50 in credit left to play. It dealt me a pair of aces and as I held them I jokingly said to Marie "hah! You think I could hit the 4 aces with the 3 kicker again?" We both laughed as I hit the deal button and I watched the cards come up on the 3 lines. I about passed out when the third hand hit 2 more aces AND THE 3 KICKER for another $100!!!!! I was screaming so much you would have sworn I hit a million dollars!! I danced around a little bit, acting like a crazed, drunk gambler, and then cashed out that little ticket. At that point, I told Marie I was taking my $200 winnings and going to the nice room on the 31st floor for the night. I was quitting while I was ahead - my mama didn't raise no dummy.


Sunday wasn't as profitable, and I took a field trip to the local scrapbook store (which was closed for Father's day!) and then to the craft store just to kill some time. We enjoyed a very nice meal at the steakhouse at the Silver Legacy (one of Marie's 'gifts' for her birthday from the Legacy) and gambled some more for the evening.


I did give some of my winnings back, but, for the first time in all these years I've been going to Reno, I didn't go to the atm to get more funds and I came home with more money in my wallet than I went up there with. Woo-hoo.


And my friend Marie? Well, my Granny always said that if you were generous, you'd be rewarded two-fold. Marie proved that was true this weekend. She hit several 'large' jackpots on her video poker machines, and her name was pulled in a casino drawing on Sunday afternoon and she won $250! I think Granny must have been looking down on her from Heaven and giving her a helping hand for being so generous with me over the weekend.


It was a great break for me to be away from the house and both of us had a blast!


Until Next Time,


Kel

Twenty Years Ago Today...

When I was younger, thinking in terms of a span of 20 years seemed like such a long time. It felt like it took me forever and a day to reach my 20th birthday. My impression of people who spoke of things they did 20 years ago: they were old.

Guess what? Today I'm officially old by my own standards.

June 19, 1989. I walked into the law offices of Steefel, Levitt & Weiss at the Embarcadero Center in San Francisco to start my new job in my new home. I had just celebrated my 27th birthday, gotten over a bad divorce and only knew 2 people who lived in the Bay Area. What the hell was I thinking?

I was thinking that I needed to stand on my own two feet and be my own person. I didn't want to be referred to as "his" ex-wife any more. My family was extremely supportive of my new "single" life, but I needed to prove to myself that I could be independent and not call on them every time a spider crossed my path. I had lots of friends, but I needed new friends who judged me for being me and who didn't feel sorry for me for the drama I had been through in the previous 2 years.

I'll never forget that morning. I arrived early (of course!), and waited in the reception area with 4 other women who were also starting their first day at SLW. All legal secretaries of varying experience. We all nervously sat there, wondering what the day would bring. There was Patrice, a sharply dressed girl who didn't say much; Marilyn, a British girl that I had a hard time understanding (Cajun and British accents are both hard to understand - she had a hard time understanding me, too!); one girl that I can't remember her name (the mind is the first to go when you're old!); and Debra, a drop-dead gorgeous blond mother of three - who is still my good friend today.

That day, my new, exiciting life began. I often wonder what my life would be like today if I hadn't taken that big step - would I still be working at the same law firm I left? Who would be in my inner circle of friends? Would I have met, fell in love and married the new man of my dreams?

One thing that I did not anticipte that day: the truly wonderful friends I have made over the past 20 years. There are so many of them that it would take me forever to list them here, but you all know who you are and just in case you were wondering, I love you all and thank you for being my friend (uh-oh, there goes the theme song from "The Golden Girls" in my head!) Without all of you, I would not be the woman I am today.

I do miss my family terribly, but thanks to today's technology, I get to socialize with them on a daily basis, something that I couldn't do 20 years ago.

Funny how life is cyclical. 20 years ago, I was nervous about starting a new job. Today, I'm once again nervous about starting a new job (and let's not talk about finding one!).

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 35: Thank Goodness for Julie!

Today I had another session with Julie, my awesome career coach. Julie is like a personal trainer for my brain: she's making me rethink the process of looking for and landing a job.

Let's face it. I've been working since 1982 (longer if you count all those summer jobs in high school and college). Wow, that's a long time: 27 years I've been gainfully employed. 27 years? Holy crap, I'm old. But I digress. In that time, I've had a total of 5 jobs, 3 of which have lasted 7 years or longer. I'm definitely not a job hopper!

For each of those jobs, I applied either through a newspaper ad or with a recruiter. I sent in a printed resume, filled with my skills, accomplishments and references. I waited, got phone calls, went on first and second interviews and got offers and accepted one. Finding a new job always seemed easy.

Today? Not so much. Yeah, I could go online and search for a job on any number of job-search websites. But what I'm learning from Julie is that it takes a lot more than that piece of paper I called a resume to land a job. It takes a lot of work! For example: I need a web presence. Not just this blog or my Creative Memories website or Facebook. I need to have a profile on LinkedIn, ZoomInfo and Ziggs so people can find me. I need to have business cards with my contact info. I need a resume that has keywords in it. I need to network!

I need to go to the gym.....

Until Next Time,

Kel

A Little Sad....

I haven't talked about the "E" word (exercise) in a while.

You'd think with all the time I have on my hands right now I'd be spending way more time at the gym. Uh, nope. I've actually been spending less time there, mostly because the knee is still not 100%. Today was the first time in nearly 2 months that I didn't feel any pain all day. I'd say that's a little progress.

But, I just got home from my last paid personal training session with Denise. I'm really sad about it because right now, I can't afford to buy another 10 sessions with her. Heck, with that measly unemployment check I got this week, I can barely afford to pay my bills! I'm actually going to admit that I'm going to miss the workouts because I feel like I've come so far since I started working with her last June. Tonight, to celebrate, she increased my weights just for good measure. More than the workouts I'm going to miss hanging out with her on Friday afternoons. I can be myself with her, whether I'm being Connie Complainer or Wendy Whiner or Amy Angry or Gloria Goofy. She lets me be me.

And I think of her more than just a personal trainer. We've become friends and we talk about our lives and the things that are going on around us. Heck, I've even cried on her shoulder a time or two and she didn't seem to mind.

But, that's not the only thing that made me a little sad tonight. I had signed up for the summer session of boot camp, which was set to start at 6:00 a.m. sharp Monday morning. When I got to the gym, I was told they had to cancel it because they didn't meet their minimum enrollment. Rats. Phooey. Crap. Wussy women who are afraid to try it. I needed a good challenge, and boot camp always challenges me. Rats. Phooey. Crap.

Oh, well. There's still the Saturday morning Yo'lates class with Denise. And I'm sure I'll find a way to save up some cash to schedule some time with her sometime in the near future.

After all, my butt's depending on it!

Until Next Time,

Kel

"I Wish the Dog Had a Snooze Button"

While out for the afternoon, I stopped in at Sur Le Table, a high-end kitchen wares store. Now, I'm quite amused and entertained by kitchen things. If I had a bigger kitchen, I'd spend way more money on these little treasures. I saw gadgets that I never knew existed and sometimes had to ponder what one would do with such a gadget in the kitchen.

But my favorite find this afternoon was a very large ceramic coffee mug. It was definitely a one-of-a-kind and it stood out among the other mugs on the shelf. This mug summed up my mornings right now: I Wish the Dog Had a Snooze Button. When I saw that, I just started laughing. And not subdued, lady-like giggles to myself, mind you. It was a hearty belly laugh heard by all in this fancy establishment who all looked in my direction to see what the noise was. I couldn't help it. It just cracked.me.up.

Because after 28 days, Aero still doesn't get the concept that I don't have to get up before the crack of dawn 5 days a week. He still aggravates the bejeezus out of me once the sun comes up and won't stop no matter how long I try to ignore him or fuss at him or pet him. He wants me to get up when he's ready to get out of bed and he promptly goes back to sleep on the couch. What a life.

So, yeah. I got a really good laugh this afternoon when I saw that mug. It made my day.

And I DO wish Aero had a snooze button....

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 21: I Just Need to Keepy Busy

It's hard to believe that it's been 3 weeks since I got laid off.

My worst enemy is too much time on my hands. Oh, sure, I can do laundry. But there's only so much laundry one person can create! And I could clean my house, but where's the fun in that? I find that when I sit here, even in front of the computer, my mind wanders and starts to focus on things that could make me crazy: how am I going to pay my bills? How am I going to find a job? Am I too old to start over? How do I compete with a younger, smarter candidate? And let's not even go to the place where I beat myself up for my looks....

My friends have been so wonderful trying to help keep me busy. Angela and baby Max meet me once a week for a lunch outing. Joyce and I hang out on her days off, going to Target or catching an early movie. Marie has given me an open invitation to hang out at her house on the weekends. It's these "play dates" that help keep me unfocused on the scary stuff.

Yeah, busy is good. Maybe I should volunteer some of my free time...

Until next time,
Kel

It's Just Another Day....

Today is just like every other day. I mean, there's no real reason to celebrate. I told my friends that there's nothing to get excited about. Even Aero's treating today like there's no special reason to get up - he's been snoozing since we got out of bed this morning.

Maybe I'll treat myself to a movie and a nice lunch. Or maybe I'll get some Chinese take out from my favorite place for dinner tonight.

But whatever I do today, I'm not celebrating the fact that I'm a year older.

That's probably as close to a cake as I'll get today.

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 17: The Sleepless Nights

I've always been a night owl, and have always hated mornings. Even as a kid, when Mom and Dad would put us to bed at 9:00 p.m., I'd generally lay awake in my bed listening to whatever show they were watching and then on to the news. I even stayed awake after they went to bed and the house was quiet.

As an adult, I had to train myself to go to bed before midnight so that I could get up before the crack of dawn to go to work and be semi-coherent.

But now that I don't have a regular routine, of course, I'm awake late at night and sleeping in in the mornings. I've been up to see all of the last episodes of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno; I've seen several Jimmy Kimmel shows; M*A*S*H comes on at some point on TV Land; did you know you can watch professional poker on NBC in the wee hours of the morning? The problem isn't that I'm just staying up late because I can. The problem is that I can't sleep.

It's been about 6 nights now. I just lay there awake, my mind racing. At least the tv distracts me a bit, but it is frustrating to not be able to sleep.

I'm getting tired. I try not to nap during the day because I know it won't help the situation at night. And I've given up caffiene again. But nothing seems to help. Of course, right now, it's the middle of the night again and here I am, up in front of the computer instead of in bed snoozing. I didn't feel like watching the poker game.

At least my little furry friend is snoozing away!

Until Next Time,

Kel