Wow! It's Been Exactly Two Weeks...

I feel like all I talk about lately is the danged layoff. I'm guessing that all my friends feel like that's all I talk about lately, too. God bless them for listening and letting me talk about it.

Being home every day, I've had lots of time to think, reflect and explore things that normally would get lost in my day-to-day routine:

• Aero is a creature of habit and likes to be home alone so he can nap the day away
• I'm easily distracted
• Learning to write HTML code isn't so hard
• Going to the movies before noon costs $2.75 less than going between noon and 6:00 pm; it's more like $4 less than going at night
• A trip to the Dollar Tree can be a fun adventure with $5 in your pocket
• Daytime tv doesn't have much to offer, unless you like talk shows, court room shows or soap operas
• I'm easily distracted
• I have lots of clothes that I can donate
• When you drink a lot of water, you use a lot of toilet paper
• When you cook a lot, you wash a lot of dishes (three cheers for take out food!)
• I'm easily distracted

I need a routine again. I need to be with humans who will respond to me when I talk. I need to feel needed.

Mostly, I need to give Aero his space again.

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 12: The Paperwork Begins

Today's mail included 6 official looking envelopes: 3 from unemployment, 2 from my 401K provider and 1 from the people who administer COBRA.

Yikes. With each envelope, this becomes more real and I'm not just on vacation. I'm freaking unemployed!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

The original package of paperwork I received "that day" was overwhelming. Thank goodness for my friend Marie: she's the office manager for another law firm and went over the paperwork with me to help me understand what the heck it all meant.

Today I discovered that it's a lot of work to be unemployed! And it's all so confusing.

Like unemployement. There's a form that I need to fill out over and over telling them that I've been looking for work and am eligible to work each week. That's so I can get paid and it takes 10 days from when they receive the form until I get a check. Yikes. That's kinda scary. Oh, and I have to register on line with their job search service or I won't get benefits. And the scariest thing in the envelopes from them was a notice that there's going to be a phone interview and my answers to that can affect my eligibility to receive benefits. Crap.

Then there's COBRA. That's another maze of legal-eze and forms to be filled out. And it's not cheap. But, I do qualify for some new program that reduces that payment and I'll only have to shell out 35% of the total premium. Thanks President Obama. That reduces my payments from just over $600 a month to less than $300.

And the 401K stuff. There's options on what to do with that money. And very few options on how to pay back the loan I took last year to buy my car. There's still about 20 pages that I need to read through on all of that.

No wonder people are going crazy right now. The money that it takes to maintain a basic standard of living and the little money that comes in when you're unemployed is enough to send even the strongest person over the edge.

I'm lucky. I don't have a huge mortgage payment - my rent is very reasonable thanks to my wonderful, terrific, very kind landlord - my cousin Ryan (notice the kissing up going on here?). I haven't had a credit card in over six years, so I have no debt there. My monthly bills are fairly minimal, but I can reduce that amount by a few dollars. The only real debt? My car loan, but luckily, that's not financed traditionally and nobody can take my car away from me at this point.

But how do I pay for COBRA? And groceries? And gas for my car? And a haircut? And the oil change that's just about due? And any unexpected things that may come up?

It's overwhelming, and my life is small potatoes compared to others who have been laid off.

I think I'll go have a plate of red beans and rice. At least those will last for several meals!

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 11: The Nosey Neighbor

I think every neighborhood has one: the little old lady (or man) that single-handedly becomes the neighborhood watch. You know the type. Never misses a thing that happens with you or any of your neighbors. And they know all the gossip from up and down the street and are more than happy to share it with anyone who'll listen.

Yep, I have one of those. Her name is Betty. She's a very lovely lady and I really enjoy chatting with her when I see her. I've had her over for visits and she's had me over for dinner and for tea. Her house is impeccable and her yard immaculate. I think it's during her time doing yard work that she picks up on what's going on with her neighbors.

I've been amazed that my car being home during normal working hours for 6 days straight hadn't elicited a phone call or visit from Betty. But, sure enough, today there was a message on my answering machine when I got home from running errands: "Hello Kel? This is your neighbor Betty from across the street. Please call me when you have a minute."

Yeah, the neighborhood watch was watching and taking notice that something's not right in my household. And the nosey side of her needed to know why.

So, I called her and I was right - she had noticed that my car has been home when normally I'm at work; have I changed my working hours? Have I stopped driving and maybe was car pooling or taking the train or bus to wrok? Am I on vacation? Am I sick and can't work?

I broke the news to her that I was laid off 11 days ago and that she'll see me and my furry friend around the house a lot for a while. She expressed her sympathies and wished me luck in my job search and rushed to end the call. I guess that's all she needed to know and she was on the hotline to spread the news to others in the neighborhood.

I can't help but smile when she grills me with about things that are going on in my life. She means well and I totally appreciate the fact that she's watching the neighborhood. If something were to ever go wrong anywhere on the street, I know she'd be the first one to dial 9-1-1.

God love her.

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 7: Panic Sets In

One week ago, the gauntlet fell. I got the proverbial pink slip.

I've been wrestling with my feelings now for a full week and I'll tell ya, it's been quite a roller coaster ride. I go from angry to happy to insulted to calm to, well, just numb. Today, after the numbness wore off, the complete and total panic set it.

Panic as I watch the amount of money in my checking account diminish, knowing that that automatic deposit I've relied on for the last 9 years won't be making its way into my account. Panic that I haven't gotten any information from unemployment yet. Panic that a huge employer in this area just laid off 6000 other people yesterday, making the job market tougher than it was 2 days ago. Panic that my resume is 9 years old and that I had grown so comfortable in my job that I didn't develop my skills beyond what I knew. Panic that I'm a middle-aged fat woman competing in a market with 20- and 30-somethings who place beauty before brains and have more updated skills than I do.

The panic today was overwhelming. I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I didn't change out of my pajamas. Didn't leave the house all day. I think I slept most of the afternoon away because at least when I sleep, I don't have to think about how sucky this is right now.

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 6: A Fun Day

Had a play date today with my friend Joyce. Unfortunately, or forutnately, depending on how you look at it, her firm reduced her number of workdays down to 3 a week, so she's off on Wednesdays and Fridays. Unfortunate because that's quite a pay cut. But fortunate because she still has a job and an income.

We went to see a matinee of "Start Trek" this morning. We haven't been to a movie since last summer, or whenever "Sex and The City" came out. The theater was pretty empty - I think I counted 7 people just as the lights went down for the previews. I love empty theaters!

Started my online web design class today. The lessons are posted on Wednesdays and Fridays, and the class runs 6 weeks. I got a 100% on the quiz on the first lesson today. That's encouraging. Keep your fingers crossed that I catch on to this stuff!

Made it to the gym today, even though my knee is still not 100%. That's making me nuts because now that I have more free time, I'd love to spend more time in the gym. But I'm not going to risk totally messing up my knee now, so I'll just take it slow.

I'm trudging on. Every day is an adventure.

Until Next Time,

Kel

Day 5: Doing Some Positive Things

It's Tuesday, and today's been a good day. I paid for my online web design class (which starts tomorrow), ran some errands, met my friends Marie and Hank for lunch and talked with my new career coach, Julie.

Julie and I will be meeting by conference call at least twice more while I explore the big question: what do I want to be when I grow up? She's also going to help me design my resume so that it stands out in a crowd. She also understands and explained to me how job hunting has changed in the last 9 years - things that I kinda knew, but never really thought about as well as things I just didn't know. She's very knowledgeable and I'm glad we were able to spend a little time chatting this afternoon. It may take a little time, but I feel like I'm taking a step in the right direction.

But tonight, I'm just hanging out with my little four-legged furry friend. He's still not adjusting to my new schedule. But at least he's so tired he sleeps through the night!

Until next time,

Kel

Day 4: It's Like Vacation!

It would have been easy to sleep in until 8:00 a.m. or so this morning, but my little furry friend is such a morning dog! He was up at 5:30, wanting to go out, and then he aggravated me from the time we crawled back under the covers until I finally relented and got up at 6:45. I guess he's just such a creature of habit that his little brain kept telling him that Mom needed to get up and go to work. He expressed extreme displeasure with me all the while I was home because I was disturbing him. It's gonna be a long haul with him.

But I did enjoy my day - it felt like a vacation day. I went to the gym this morning, followed by a trip to the grocery store on the way home. There's a big difference in shopping on a Saturday morning at 11:00 and on a Monday morning at 11:00. Only had to fight off the blue-haired set in the aisles - there were no yuppie soccer moms with screaming kids in tow!

The thing I'm having the most trouble with is my short attention span. I'd start something (like laundry) and just never quite get back to it. Or, I tried to organize some scrapping supplies and kept getting distracted by something on tv, or a song on the radio that I could dance to. Gotta work on that (the attention span - not the dancing!).

On the job front, I contacted a career coach today. We're exchanging messages, trying to nail down a time for a conference call. I figure since it's been nearly 10 years since I've written a resume or gone on a job interview AND I'm now competing for a job against hundreds of younger qualified applicants, I need all the help I can get.

I also registered for a on-line class on creating web pages. Can't hurt and I think it'll be great for me since I don't have to commit to being in a classroom. Wish me luck with that!

Until next time,

Kel

Day 3: An Eerie, Quiet Calm

Well, it's nearly 9:00 p.m. on Sunday night and I'm pleased to say that today wasn't so bad. I haven't cried, gotten angry, depressed or annoyed. Hmph. That's real progress in only 3 days!

Managed a trip to Target with my best bud Joyce and only spent $20 - an all-time record for me. I was surprised that it didn't bother me more that I knew I shouldn't wander through the aisles and make impulse purchases. Of course, I don't know how long I can keep that up!

The good news is that I got the unemployment claim filed! Yay! I realized I was reading the first question incorrectly: it asked if you had worked in any state other than CA - not if you had only worked in CA. Gotta remember to not try to fill out important paperwork online late at night.

At some point today, though, I did have a happy moment when I realized that hey, I don't have to get up on a Monday morning, get dressed and go to work! I've always hated Monday mornings, so I found joy in the suckiness. Now tomorrow morning may be another story....

Until next time,

Kel

Day 2: Reality Sets In

So I got up and started off my Saturday like any other Saturday: roll out of bed, take Aero out, eat a bowl of Cheerios, get dressed and head off to my new favorite class: Yo'lates. The class was great and I got a great workout. On the way home, I decided I should probably take the boxes out of the car - no sense in burning extra gas carrying them around with me.

Once the boxes were in the living room, I sat there looking at them and that's when I fell apart. Sitting there on my floor were 5 boxes filled with things that have defined my professional life for the last 9 years. Wait, probably the last 20 because a lot of that stuff came with me from my previous job! But yeah, 9 years of my life reduced to 5 boxes. It was kinda pitiful.

But, I dragged myself into the shower and got dressed and headed over to my friend Marie's house. She's an Office Manager for a law firm and she said she'd help me go through the "separation" paperwork I received on Thursday (which, by the way, I hadn't looked at yet). On the drive over the hill, the desperate thoughts started racing through my head again. What if I can't get unemployment for some reason? What if I can't afford COBRA? What things can I cut from my life to make ends meet a little easier? How long can this last? Who would want to hire a fat, middle-aged white woman? By the time I got to her house, I was a wreck again. Good thing she's one of my best friends and I knew I could let go of those crazy emotions right there in her kitchen.

I spent the day there with her and her family and they helped me get over the negativity I was feeling. And while I was there, I received a couple of phone calls from friends and family that I love and respect, all offering me the sympathy, love and support in any way I need. I think that's what's going to get me through this scary transition in my life.

So to try to move forward, tonight I tried to apply for unemployment via the California EDD's web site. Everything in the info I was given says this is the easiest, quickest way to start those benefits. Yeah, well, I couldn't get past the first 3 questions! I answered them (yes, I've been empoyed in CA for the last 18 months, no I haven't worked anywhere else and yes (and no), my employer gave me a claim form) and kept getting a screen that said I had special circumstances and needed to call an 800 number! WHAT DA' HECK? I've decided that I'll try again tomorrow, and will call the stupid 800 number. Sheesh. I hope the rest of the stuff isn't this hard!

So, that's it for today. Tomorrow's adventure will include shopping for cleaning supplies and paper products at Target on a very reduced budget. That's going to be hard!

Until next time,

Kel

The First Day

Well, it's been about 18 hours since I joined the ranks of the unemployed. I'm not sure how I feel today.

I didn't sleep much last night. Finally forced myself to go to bed around 1:30 this morning, followed by just laying there listening to the tv and feeling my heart pounding. Aero didn't seem to be too bothered by the news - he snuggled up next to me and started snoring right away.

I was up at around 5:30 this morning, which is earlier than my 'routine' time to get up. I just couldn't sleep any more. Of course, it's now just after 9:00 and I'm still in my pj's trying to decide what to do with new-found freedom.

I could unload the boxes that hold the treasures that adorned my office for 9 years. But that would mean I'd have to get dressed and actually go outside the house. Nope. Not gonna do that right now. I could tackle the mess and giant dust bunnies that are like my non-rent paying roommates. But then I'd disturb Aero's mornig nap. Then there's the ongoing 'organize the workshop' project, which would free up my scrapbooking space and I could get some work done on those projects. Nope. That sounds like a lot of work. Hmmmm. I'd say I could go shopping, but you know how I hate that and besides, I'm unemployed and shouldn't be spending money!

Good thing I have my regularly scheduled (and already paid for!) training session with Denise tonight. I think a good session of serious weight lifting and sweating is just what I need today.

Until Next Time,

Kel

Sucks to be Me Today

For a Thursday, today was going really well. I visited the dentist this morning and he's pleased with my oral hygiene habits. Work was smooth when I arrived; the sun was shining, it was warm outside. I went to lunch, had a very tasty sandwhich.

When I got home tonight, I really wanted frozen yogurt. I jumped in the car and headed over to my favorite spot and the line was out the door! I stood there in the line for a few minutes and peered in to see what the no sugar added and the low-sugar flavors were for the night and rats, I didn't like either of them. Okay, no big deal, I'll just head over to Starbuck's and grab a shaken iced tea and perhaps a pastry. Uh-huh. Too bad it was 7:45 and my neighborhood Starbuck's closes at 7 freaking 30.

But the really big sucky part of my day: I got laid off from my job of 9 years.

Until next time,

Kel

Where's Kel?

I'm still around.

Nothing noteworthy going on in my life right now. Oh, I've started several posts over the last two weeks. But that's it - they're started and stored in my drafts folder now, waiting for me to finish them. They're like a lot of projects in my life right now. Started and put aside, waiting to be finished. The sad part is that I have no desire to finish any of them and really don't care if they get done or not.

A dear friend of mine said she noticed that I'm just 'not the same' lately, and said she knows what's wrong with me. I'm not able to exercise as regularly as I was for so long and my life is out of whack because of it. I think she may be right!

It's hard for me to admit it since I'm such an exercise hater. But, I am missing working out regularly. The knee was getting better, but being the stubborn person that I am, I tried it out in a new cardio class last Wednesday. Yeah, that was stupid. Now it hurts more than it did initially. Rats. Double Rats. Crap. So, I'm down to 2 days a week at the gym - Friday afternoons for personal training with Denise (can I just tell ya' how wonderful she is at working around the bad knee and still giving me a great workout!) and then attending her Yo'lates class on Saturday mornings (a combo of yoga and pilates - who'da thunk it?). But it's not enough.

My friend also pointed out that while I'm sidelined for the most part, I have no where to release the pent up energy, stress, anger, frustration, silliness and other emotions that normally are released when I'm working out daily. And boy, am I a big ol' bucket of all those emotions lately.

So, for now, I'm not feeling very chatty and probably won't be here much. Unless I get some kind of divine inspiration, have a major piece of news to share or my knee is miraculously healed without my having to visit another doctor who'll tell me that I'm not injured, it's my weight causing my knee to hurt, try not to miss me too much.

Until Next Time,

Kel