Day 7: Panic Sets In

One week ago, the gauntlet fell. I got the proverbial pink slip.

I've been wrestling with my feelings now for a full week and I'll tell ya, it's been quite a roller coaster ride. I go from angry to happy to insulted to calm to, well, just numb. Today, after the numbness wore off, the complete and total panic set it.

Panic as I watch the amount of money in my checking account diminish, knowing that that automatic deposit I've relied on for the last 9 years won't be making its way into my account. Panic that I haven't gotten any information from unemployment yet. Panic that a huge employer in this area just laid off 6000 other people yesterday, making the job market tougher than it was 2 days ago. Panic that my resume is 9 years old and that I had grown so comfortable in my job that I didn't develop my skills beyond what I knew. Panic that I'm a middle-aged fat woman competing in a market with 20- and 30-somethings who place beauty before brains and have more updated skills than I do.

The panic today was overwhelming. I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I didn't change out of my pajamas. Didn't leave the house all day. I think I slept most of the afternoon away because at least when I sleep, I don't have to think about how sucky this is right now.

Until Next Time,

Kel